Valentine's Day: A Singularly Single Perspective

Welcome to the Valentine's Day edition of the mind pit!

Now, I am single. And on Valentine's Day, the day intended for and targeted as "the celebration of relationships, mass-produced heartfelt thoughts in the form of a gift card template, and inferior gourmet chocolate (well, compared to European chocolate anyway)", one might think that for me, I would be very depressed....I would look around, see happy couples trading sweet pecks, holding hands, needing each other in a quiet, understated way...

And while I do see that, I also recognize the various pleasures and freedoms that I have BECAUSE I am single. That's not to say that I prefer to be single, because this certainly isn't true. Nonetheless, there are advantages to my current situation that I treasure dearly..

As a result, I have decided to write a blog comparing and contrasting how today would go, first as a boyfriend, and second, like the single guy that I am now. So what's better, being single or being in a relationship???? You decide...

(1: Dinner

Jeff the Boyfriend: "Ahh...yes, I believe today, I will try the Filet Mignon, coated in promodoro sauce with mozzarella cheese au gratin. And for a drink, bring me, if you please, your finest Bordeaux."

Jeff's girlfriend: "Oh my, excellent choice dahling! But can we afford it?"

Jeff the Boyfriend: "Now Now, dahling, remember that I am a Web developer, money is not an issue.......I'll just increase my weekly hours from 40 to 100.."
(both start laughing in unison)
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Jeff the Single Guy: : "Ummm....yeah..I would like the #4....Yeah....Umm...but I don't wany any cole slaw"

KFC cashier: "It doesn't come with cole slaw"

Jeff the Single Guy: "But the picture up there shows cole slaw"

KFC cashier: "We changed the side dishes a few months ago...There's no cole slaw with the #4"

Jeff the Single Guy: "OK then...as for my drink......mmmmm.....is there anything besides soda?"

KFC cashier: "There's Fruit Works"

Jeff the Single Guy: "Fruit Works is horrible..Is there any water?"

KFC cashier: "We don't carry water"

Jeff the Single Guy: "How could you not carry water? Water is everywhere."

KFC cashier: "I'm sorry sir, we don't have water"

Random KFC person next to me in line: "Water is too cold for my teeth....Sometimes....I like to drink water.......but only when it's warm...not cold.................I like tap water......."
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(2: Reading From the Heart...

Jeff the Boyfriend: "...the eternal glow of your kiss, her smile etched into my soul, releasing love from new lands, new plateaus of my heart, it is too much for the body to bare!"
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Jeff the Single Guy: "...OK.....Here's something: 8:30, we got 'Wife Swap' on ABC, and at 9:00, we got 'Trading Spouses'...And then at 10, we have Law and Order: SVU!...So Dad, we can watch all of our favorite shows without any overlap!...I love TV!"
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(3: Chocolate...

Jeff the Boyfriend: "...Hey!....What kind of chocolate is this??? Is this...boysenberry? This is just way too exotic!...What else is left??......!What the hell is this crap??....This is horrible too!....is this Lime-Kiwi-Banana??.....Hey sweetheart, what happened to all of the classic chocolates that everyone loves, like caramel??"

Jeff's Girlfriend: [mouth stuffed with a huge ball of caramel] "Idawno[slurp][bite]"
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Jeff the Single Guy: "MMM.....those caramel chocolates were AMAZING....mmmm......No more caramel??......OK then, it's time to visit the homeless shelter.."