Wednesday Night Characters: Audition #2

Hola! And welcome to our second edition of Wednesday night characters, as we continue our search to find

Jeff's blog sidekick!

Last week, you were introduced to our first 2 candidates: (1: The Guy Who Loves Star Trek With All Of His Heart, But Does a Really Bad Job of Hiding It (2: Cool Blanche and the Naked Supermodel 3-D-cup Doritos..Personally, I am down with Cool Blanche...or at least I was...that is....until I unintentionally killed her.....cough....and soon afterwards....in[cough]gested her!....Mmmmmm...cool blanche.......

So today we will show you 2 more candidates. Let's get this party started!!!

OK, our first contestant is actually a very popular and red hot Hollywood action star who's done it all: He's made the rounds on the Silver Screen, he's currently the star of arguably the most action packed show on television, 24!!!....

But there's a problem.....Let's face it: How long can the show 24 keep its viewing audience interested while simultaneously remaining believable? Maybe for one season, the plot would be feasible, but at this point, what more can be done to keep the show fresh and full of innovation??? Some might say, "Raise the number of possible nuclear holocausts per show up to 7, from its current ceiling of 4!"....OK, that may seem sensible at first, but what happens when the audience simply isn't fazed by 7 parallel nuclear disasters that can wipe out billions?...That's right!....Then what??

Well, a progressive new generation of TV drama writers has surmised that conventions shouldn't be merely pushed to their limits, but thrown out all together, even at the expense of commercialism...So in the upcoming season of 24, Jack Bauer, played by Kiefer Sutherland, will quit his high-stress, explosion and death packed job for a low profile office position at New Jersey Lawyer, Inc....

So naturally the question is, "Will Jack be able to make a smooth transition from nuclear terrorism aversion to expense report completion?"

Let's find out by following his first day on the job!! Welcome:

Jack Bauer: Our Newest NJL Advertising Salesman

9:30AM: At my desk



I'm federal agent....I mean New Jersey Lawyer advertising salesman Jack Bauer...and today is the longest day of my life. I must admit that I don't see how I won't bash in at least one skull today...No one better mess with my daughter, or I'll KILL 'EM!!!


11:00AM: At my desk....still

[Lynn makes an announcement over the loudspeaker, as another office birthday is going to be celebrated..but Jack reacts immediately and takes action!]



1:30PM: At Jeff Partyka's desk

[Jack has a computer question for Jeff]

Jack: I was told you're the guy around here for computer problems?
Jeff:: I guess you could say that..[Jeff chuckles with a corporate, vapid smile]
Jack:: Why are you laughing? What the HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! TELL ME NOW!!
Jeff:: Relax Jack!
Jack:: Look, I have killed two people since midnight. I haven't slept in over 24 hours. So maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are now.

5:00PM: Day 1: A Success

I believe I'm off to a fast start here...I think I'm starting to fit in here..Sure, there were some minor disagreements, but I handled them the only way I know how.




...........OK then...

Our second contestant is quite unusual...A few months ago, marine biologists off the coast of Bimini in the Caribbean Sea discovered a very special octopus...First off, he's a Republican. Second, he's the first and only Republican that actually tells the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...And third, he's a Bush!..

But being an octopus...and a Bush..he has some trouble speaking...

So from the floor of Congress, giving a state of the Union address, please welcome,

Octopus Bubba Bush

"....agugd...let's....take away....social security.....so that old...people...can die sooner.....and take less...of OUR MONEY!"...

[Republicans stand and cheer in unison]

"....agugdddduggh!!!!!...let's.....make it ....impossible....for people to sue.....doctors.....by limiting...the jury award...they receive....Besides....if you lose your limbs....agguguggg....you can....get by...without...money!...LOOK AT ME!! HAHAHA!!!! agugghgg!!!"

[Republicans stand and cheer -- and laugh -- in unison]

"....agugugg...it's not your...fault...if...you are...non-white...or have long hair...or are Jewish.....You'll go to Heaven....as long....as you are...not gay... or a Democrat....aguguggduggh!!!...But I'm being.....REDUNDANT NOW!...HAHAHA!!!! agugugddugggh!!"

[Republicans stand and cheer...John Ashcroft and Dick Cheney have tears in their eyes]

..OK, and those are our 2 contestants for today!...What will next week bring?? There's only one way to find out!: Remote Viewing Monkeys!!