A little bit more about yours truly

Hello!

First off, I just want to thank everyone for giving me fantastically crazy ideas of gifts for my brother Dave! I will absolutely take up many of those suggestions -- amongst the gifts I will purchase are: 1 enormous face, 1 plastic blow up doll of some plastic hottie, something to do with the gameshow "Press Your Luck"

(actually Brooke's comment where she tried to jumpstart the other comments reminded me of "No Whammies, No Whammies, No Whammies!"....(Did you know that on one particular episode of Press Your Luck, the host read a poem that a viewer wrote and mailed in about how Whammies will..like...ruin your life and take your money??? Apparently, this viewer really was serious in his tone too....I'M ABSOLUTELY SERIOUS...I could't make that up, I'm just not creative enough)

Anyway, thank you all for your fantabulous ideas..

Now today, believe it or not, I am going to be serious...I realized while writing this blog that despite the weirdness and incessant wackiness, I come across as being very impersonal...When do I really talk about my life? For example, who are some of my friends? What do I do when I get home? What are my goals? What are my fantasies like? What am I proud of? What am I ashamed of? What are some idiosynchracies of mine?

I'll answer a couple of these questions!

(1: What are some of my goals?

OK, this one's easy. First off, I'll start with some secular, short-term goals. I would first want to get a place of my own, which I'm working on: I've contacted a realtor and specified that I want to buy a 2 bedroom condo for around 150-175K, preferably with a maintenance fee of less than $150. So far, nothing in the immediate area near my job (South Plainfield, Edison, etc.) has popped up, though I've heard that opporunities will leap out come springtime. So in the meantime, I make preparations to move by learning how to cook (I had no skills last year, but now, I can cook a lean and mean breakfast consisting of french toast, scrambled eggs, and some turkey sausages...well, it's not that lean), by transferring my gigantic mp3 collection consisting of 7500 songs to my new 120 GB external hard drive, and by savin', savin', SAVIN'!..Nothing special.

Second, pretty soon, I think I want to get back into the relationship game...I took some time off after a pretty nasty conclusion with a girl named Michel....Ultimately, it was an educational experience for me, as I became familiar with many of the advanced and often unnecessarily cruel manipulation tactics of many girls.

Now, in my time off (it's been 1 year, almost exactly), I've discovered 2 critical facts about myself in regards to my personal life: (1: Being alone can be quite fun...It's surprising how well education and creativity can effectively mask romantic yearnings. (2: Nonetheless, it's difficult not being able to share your experiences with a companion. Even if your experiences are recorded and documented with literary flair and intricate detail, in the end, the experience just seems second-rate and empty without someone else to share it with. I miss that. I want to have lunch with someone and talk about a really crappy movie with someone else....Reflection is so important.

Now, as far as some other goals of mine: professionally -- I'm confused on this one -- for now, I want to live sorta like Einstein did for a time -- by day, he was a patent clerk; in his free time, however, he solved the physical mysteries of the universe. Now, I'm not particulary interested in solving the physical mysteries of the universe, but I have creative goals that I want to accomplish. In particular, I want to write strange literature..I've written a few things I'm proud of, but am working on a master work: a sci-fi like alien psycho/tech book/art thing....It's very weird, and perhaps one day, I'll post some scraps of it on this blog :-)

I also want to write a book about my life in college. I don't talk about it much, but that's because it was a rather dark and lonely time for me, and people don't want to hear about anything like that. I suffered from bouts of depression and a destructive fear of the social arena at large, especially my first 2 years of school. I also developed a neurological disorder called dysgraphia that I still deal with today -- basically, in pressure situations, I cannot perform the physical act of writing. One day, it is my hope that I can overcome dysgraphia and write neatly and without any fear or psychosis attached to it.

So much more happened in college that I truly believe resulted in me becoming slightly insane. But I'll save it for another time. Darkness should be adminstered in small doses :-)

But ultimately, I think I would like to become an English teacher one day. My mind has changed considerably over the last few years, from one of logic and analytical problem solving to one of creativity and imperfect cogitation.

(2: What am I most proud of?

Although I am proud of several accomplishments in my recent life, 3 stand out in my mind:

- I became a happy person that is striving for a better life. I once believed that I would never acheive this.

- Making the Phi Kappa Phi honors society in college (after 7 Dean's Lists), despite all of the obstacles that I needed to overcome, including dysgraphia (which made it difficult to write on tests and finish on time -- think about that..That also doesn't include the psychological bitterness and trauma that accompanies it), various social dysfunctions that made it nearly impossible for me to make friends, 2 different run-ins with cults, and being totally ostracized and mocked by my freshman year floormates simply because I didn't want to get drunk.

- Writing "The Struggle of Micheal Ambrosiak"...it's the best thing I've ever written, and I think it's great, even by my strict standards.

Now, this blog isn't intended to be a self-pity session. I've done my self-pity time long ago, so I have no use for that anymore. But I remain proud of the fact that I've turned my life around for the better despite all that happened, and that when I look towards the future, I tend to see opportunity and wonders, rather than loss and disappointment.

OK, that's enough for one day....I'll reveal some more about myself some other day...Maybe I'll even talk about my cult experiences...