THE Nightmare Scenario for the Casual Porn Collector

(Be sure to check out the porn-pre-post below...Yeah, I know, I got the order of the posts all mixed up...grrr.)

And here is my brother Dave's traumatic porn story:

OK, so a little background on Dave's job: He works in a lab about 12 hours a day doing chemical reactions, and like every other graduate student, Dave has his own personal laptop computer that he uses to do conduct his departmental affairs...Now, as you could imagine, the network at Harvard Chem is VERY fast, and so it is a breeze to navigate the Internet and get your work done...But as you could also imagine, it's also a breeze to use a file sharing program like KaZaA to download whatever you want...

So on his computer, he clandestinely compiled a stash of porn over the years, and being the prudent guy that he is, he stuffed the files into a obscure location...where, you ask? Well, it sure wasn't in "C:/Dave's AMAZING Porn Collection -- DON'T LOOK IF YOU'RE NOT DAVID V. PARTYKA"....for the story's sake, let's call it: 'C:/secret location'.

However, just a couple of months ago, while in the lab, Dave was executing another secret download...But this time, the Harvard Chem IT guy burst into the room and exclaimed quite loudly:

'DAVID!...I've spent several hours tracking a computer virus that has infiltrated our network, and at long last, I've determined that the hole in the network that allowed the virus to get in came from your computer!!'

At this point, Dave tried to immediately close KaZaA, but the IT guy was quick as a cat and seized the computer from him before he could do so. At this point, the IT guy truly suspected nothing; in fact, when he first looked at the laptop, he began lecturing Dave on the benefits of Adware-zapping software..Dave, slightly worried, tried to propel him in that very direction so that he wouldn't notice KazAa was opened, so he responded, "Yeah, definitely! Let's get Ad-Aware installed immediately!

And this was done....However, the IT guy then noticed, "Hey! I didn't realize you have KaZaA on your machine..THIS must be where the virus came from!...Well then, I can use Ad-aware to confirm this!"

As the IT guy opened the adware program and started running it, Dave started nervously pacing around..He was desparate, because he knew his stash was on the verge of being discovered..and at this point, all that he had were diversion tactics. So he started nervously and loudly rambling in an attempt to draw attention away from Ad-Aware by saying things like, "Hey...ummm...so you think that KaZaA is where the virus came from?! Well...I would have never guessed that in a million years! Haha!!!"....

But it was too late.

Ad-ware identified a gigantic number of programs on Dave's laptop, all of which were associated with KaZaA...and they eventually pointed directly to the stash.....When the stash was opened, the IT guy's face just dropped to the ground, and lay motionless for about a minute..

Dave continued to act out diversion tactics in desperation: "Well, did you find anything? Yeah, I guess all those mp3 I downloaded caused some problems, huh?! Hahaha!!!...Well, I'll be sure to use Ad-aware from now on! Thanks!"

...Amazingly, Dave was not reprimanded or punished for this...the IT guy let him go -- this time.

But every time they have passed by each other in the hallway since that incident, Dave tends to carefully examine the finely inlaid tiling pattern on the floor....

Porn Week Pre-Post

Hola!

Welcome to porn week everybody!!!

Christmas time, as well all know, is a time of purity, holiness, and unconditional love and charity, especially towards those who are less fortunate than us. While I fully endorse these values and attempt to celebrate them to the fullest...I also LOVE porn. I like even saying the word "porn"..

PORN!.....porn........pornpornpornporn......porn................................porn!!

Anyway, as I enter the conservative and PBS-loving days of my.....mid 20's....[cough].....!..I find that that novelty of porn that once hypnotized me as a college freshman has been slowly whittled away, and these days, I actually tend to prefer funny or incredibly embarassing stories about porn or porn related activity. Sure, in my olden days, I was just like many other young and unspoiled college guys, as I embarked on a personal Anna Kournikova nudity pilgrimage in the priceless search of eternal enlightenment -- the visualization of the 'yin' and the 'yang'.......
Not only that, but in those days, there was no such thing as 'file-sharing' programs like KaZaA, or image searches on Google...(Kids have it so easy these days....all they have to do is type "Anna", or "boobs", and within a few seconds hundreds upon hundreds of results fly into their lap....grumble.mumble..mumble..darn kids..mumble) Back in those days, me and my fairly hopeless computer buddies would have to check out hundreds or even thousands! of Web page results from a search engine to even have a SHOT at just 1 nude Anna pic, all at the expense of crucial final exam study time....Kids today might say, "Damn, that musta really sucked...all that hard work for nothing...What kept you going?"....Well, I can now answer that question -- it was the good ol' fashioned values my Dad taught me: (1: Hard work (2: Perseverance (3: Social Networking.
.....And when I finally got that doctored nude picture of Anna Kournikova's face and breasts on Michael J. Fox's body, I knew that the lessons my Dad tried so hard to instill within me were now a part of my regular consciousness....

But I digress.....as I was saying before, I tend to enjoy stories about porn more than porn itself...So the first official post of porn week is an incredibly embarassing story of a porn-stash being unearthed involving my brother ...Dave!...Yes, we're not talking about insano Chris, but Dave, the graduate level chemist at Harvard who is months away from obtaining his phD and whose fun activity at the moment consists of mastering the mathematical intracacies and probability curves of day trading on the stock market.

And his story is above..