My semi-wacky adventure in same-day surgery (with pigeons as my audience)..pt 2.

Hola!

OK, now it's time for me to finish this story, I got WAY too caught up in my delusions/hallucinations of NBC disaster during my fasting period.

And I see my pigeon audience has loyally returned..Welcome my friends! [coo! coo!]...

OK, so again, I had to undergo an endoscopy this past Monday in an attempt to determine my digestive ills. I went to work and did a half a day there, which actually helped me focus my hungry energy on constructive and amazingly boring office functions. For example, I played a role in the partial unravelling of the most boring mystery EVER!...

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THE MOST BORING MYSTERY EVER -- ABRIDGED VERSION, BY JEFF PARTYKA

Basically, a legal association filled out and submitted an online form containing information that was to become part of my company's calendar of lawyer-related events. However, they accidentally filled out the incorrect form, and on this form, the association's credit card is CHARGED! [orchestral crescendo!!]...Realizing this, I put the event into the calendar for free, but apparently, the association was ALREADY CHARGED! Now, I am not responsible for billing in any way, but another co-worker, who shall remain nameless [thunder crash followed by lightning bolt], handed this off to me! [pigeons in unison, "zzzzzz..."] A co-worker ("Gretchen") and I then attempted to resolve the mystery by using a rigorous review of form information to determine EXACTLY WHO is responsible for delivering the money BACK!!! to the legal organization.....ehhh...we still don't know who should do it...ahem...but it's not me, which makes it a partial unravelling.
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OK, so I had to leave work at noon to go to the hospital. After some paperwork, I waited in same-day surgery, as I underwent some preparations for my procedure. Thankfully, a big-screen TV was in there, and soap operas were on! I must say, if I was a woman, I would LOVE soap operas, because they are ridiculously dramatic....Anyway, I sat next to an older woman named Antoinette. We were both watching "All My Children"...We alternated mocking laughs at the show....First I laughed when it was revealed that Susan Lucci's daughter's baby might have had its blood tampered with genetically in order to intentionally botch the maternity test, so that another woman could claim the baby....Antoinette then laughed when in a different scene, it was surmised that one of the characters in fact staged an attempted murder, for reasons unknown.....but apparently, this character was now in a hospital with what people thought was his sister, but was actually his lover. I'm not sure how this fit into anything, it was all very surreal. We talked for about 20 minutes about random, silly stuff, like commercials from the 80's and ovaltine.

I then found out that when it comes to being readied for IV, I am a 'roller', meaning that when a needle is stuck into the back of my hand, my skin is too mushy to be penetrated, so the needle kind of 'rolls off'...I got a needle stuck into my right arm instead...

So finally, it was time for my procedure!...I never experienced anesthesia before, so I was very curious to see how I would just be knocked out. Right before it happened, I was told, "Now, think of a place you would like to go to"..I thought of Christmas Island, a weird place in the South Pacific where millions of crabs infest the land and eat EVERYTHING!...then I felt a 'swishy' feeling in my brain, and it was quite comfortable...then poof!...I was out cold....

I wake up, and after a few minutes of the anesthesia wearing off, I was helped to the bathroom....I saw Antoinette, and she asked me, "How are you doing?"...So how did I respond? (Keep in mind that I was very much groggy still)

I let out a big fart. It sounded like a high C on the trumpet. That was the last time I will ever see that woman.

For me, anesthesia produced a LOT of fart gas, and for the next few hours, I just COULD NOT contain my fart gas....

Oh yeah, the doctor mentioned that I did not have ulcer, or h.pylori...but gastritis, caused by stress....To be honest, I don't think this is the source of my ills. So I will continue with my medical exams, and nudge myself that much closer to be fired (for costing my company too much in medical expenses)..

And that is my story.....hello?....[the pigeons have flown away.]...oh well, at least I enjoyed it..

One more post tomorrow, and then next week: Porn week!