A frightening look at the future of my blog

Here at my desk, where I type all of my insane and sometimes esoteric blogs (while surrounded by your average office) I have a crystal ball that I bought at an unnamed antique store last week. You might say, "Oh, and I suppose this crystal ball of yours actually works?!"

Well, it does. I just peered into it a few minutes ago, and what I saw FRIGHTENED ME!.....In fact, I'm still shaking and randomly vomiting as I type...

What did I see? Was it...the end of the world? Will this planet be consumed in a fiery blaze, as predicted by various psychics?......That little thing? Naaah...don't be silly..

Was it.....an alternate timeline where I saw Julia Roberts child -- if Julia was artificially inseminated from a Billy Idol sperm sample? Ugggh...that's scary, but no, thankfully, I didn't see that............I need a few minutes to get some fresh air here....

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OK! I'm back! What I saw, in that crystal ball, was none other than one of my final blog entries at some point in the distant future!!![crowd gasps in horror]...

After much consideration, I thought it would only be fair if I revealed this blog entry to my readers...But be warned! The blog apparently will change dramatically, as my seemingly endless well of spontaneous humor and wacky writing had dried up years ago. It's painfully clear that the love of writing and my imagination have been completely drained out of me. Perhaps this is due to age, or maybe changing life circumstances are to blame....But whatever the reason, my blog, in the future, is clearly buoyant only out of past respect and large quantities of pity from fans.

And now, here it is, one of my final blogs:
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What a Day

Hello! Before I begin, I would just like to remind everyone that I have finally completed my pottery class, and that I now have the ability to mold clay in many ways!

I had quite a day, let me tell you....So I wake up, EAT BREAKFAST, and then drive to work...Man, the traffic out there is a killer. Oh man. Wow!......geez louise....New Jersey -- you have to love this state, don't you?

There was a lot of work on my desk, but I figured that if I worked at a brisk and constant pace, I could finish by noon, thus giving me time to blog. But a wrench was thrown into the mix: I saw this guy...right....and he was....uhhhh...let me see....I forgot....Hold on.......

Oh yeah! I seem to recall now!....Oh boy, another senior moment, time sure flies by..Live every moment of life to the fullest, it's important! Take your vitamins...eat your veggies! They're important too! I just wish my kids would follow this advice...Haha!!

Yeah, so I see this guy, and he's wearing a NECK COLLAR!....Haha!!....I just couldn't help myself from chuckling a bit, I know it's wrong to make fun of someone because he is injured, but let me tell you something, this guy just cracked me up....[laugh].......Oh.....mercy..Anyway, I hope this man recovers from his injuries, and that we can proceed normally in our respective office routines.

Let me see...what else...happened.....................................................oh yeah! How could I forget the following anecdote? So I'm walking across the street to pick up a hearty chicken sandwich from the local deli, when I bump into this guy who was in a rush....thankfully, he didn't drop his briefcase, but he said, now get this: "..You should look.."....no wait......that's not it......wait! He said, "you really should not! look"....no....that's not it either..........I can't seem.......to.........remem........ber....................oh well...it was really funny! You had to be there!

OK, that's enough laughs for today. I'll be back tomorrow with some tips on how to best care for your cacti plants! Well, my wife might call me around noon tomorrow......hmmm...well, I'll blog if I can...thanks for reading!

1 comment:

Mom said:

Jeffrey, this is your mother. I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you. You are my special son, and I want you to keep writing, because it makes you happy.

I also wanted to let you know that I threw out that underwear that had holes in it, and I bought some new underwear for you. I didn't like the underwear being in the top drawer, so I rearranged your drawers to make it more organized...OK sonny?

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Uggggghhhhhhh....scary...............