2004: Whatsit For?

First off, once again I lied: I will NOT be showing Bert pictures today, because something came up this weekend which takes precedence...So as you might imagine, I had one hell of a weekend...

The title of this blog refers to my motto for what 2004 was going to be like during a 2003 New Year's Eve party I was at. I was being incredibly silly (without one drink -- I get less silly and funny as I drink more alcohol, so I prefer not to drink at all) as me and some friends were coming up with increasingly ridiculous slogans for 2004. Eventually, I imitated the stereotypical "gruff, in-your-face Italian guy who faced trememdous injustice in his life" with the slogan, "2004: Whatsit For?" [add your own Italian accent to get an idea]....

OK, so what's the point of this story?

I like stories...hee hee! :-)

So when people set New Year's Resolutions, goals and/or dreams for themselves, it's usually along the lines of the following: "This is the year that I'll find that special someone!" or "This is the year that I'll get that good job!", or "After all those years of saving every penny, this is FINALLY the year I'll be able to buy that naked picture of Patrick Stewart on eBay!" ....[ahem]....So naturally, I made similar projections for myself. [well, I don't dream about a nude Patrick Stewart...but I do think he's a better captain than Kirk]

I never thought that for me, 2004 would be the year that I would stockpile as many distinctive digestive disorders that I could possibly could.

Yesterday, I went to the Emergency Room after feeling extremely sapped of energy to the point where I could barely move. At one point, I thought I was having a heart attack. It came out of nowhere, and my heart started racing uncontrollably for about 15 seconds. And I was not anxious at all, so it was all very strange, and naturally, this freaked me out. (I'll have more to say about my hospital experience later this week)

I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me at the moment, but I have it narrowed down to 3 possibilities: (1: Hypoglycemia, which is when the pancreas produces too much insulin, which in turn lowers your blood sugar to dangerous levels (2: Hiatal Hernia, some other structural digestive disorder that screws you up (3: A lovely parasite in my stomach, possibly some kind of worm. (The ladies just LOVE that one. What was that famous line by Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons, as he was finishing his oral report? : "And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life".....I know how you feel Ralph Wiggum....I know how you feel...)

So as you might imagine, I feel pretty lousy today, and I'm not in my top comic form to unveil the fantastic Bert pictures, along with their special commentary.

But I thought I'd feed you this link: it goes along with what Brooke blogged about last week about completely useless news stories. But this goes a step farther, and actually uses inflated words like "directive" and goes into bureaucratic jurisdiction:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=519&ncid=519&e=1&u=/ap/20041108/ap_on_re_us/brf_candy_confusion