Spectacular dating failures, episode 1

Hello!

The last few minutes, I've thought about some of the more spectacular crash-and-burn situations I've had with women the past decade or so....These crash-and-burn episodes have taken place in various situations, or at various stages in the relationship (if there was one).

The important thing to remember about these are that I don't take these failures very seriously....Everytime I think about them, I start laughing, because most are so ridiculous and inane.

This should be viewed as a "what NOT to do guide" in dating, and I feel my stories are perfect for this purpose, because I've made an amazing number of mistakes, subtle and obvious, intentional and unintentional, stupid and........really stupid....

So I will have a semi-regular feature here, and I will call it:

JEFF'S DATING DISASTERS!!

Episode 1: A Random Encounter On a Train

OK, so I'm on a train, going to Boston. And this time, I brought reading material! "It's about damn time!", I thought to myself, as I would get caught up in one horrible train conversation after another in the past (where each conversation would last up to 3 hours...uggggh!! I talked to this guy from Venezuela once for 3 hours about engineering, which I know little about, and he knew everything about.....and he talked with an extremely thick Spanish accent...IT NEVER STOPPED! Yarrggh!!!)..but anyway :-)

Now, as far as the reading material, I brought one book -- The Bible. Why? Because at this time, I started this quest to read the Bible, cover to cover, despite any cryptic symbolism, questionable translation, proliferation of muddled English, and lack of snazzy pictures that might be in the book......I suppose I wanted to learn more about Christianity..

But more importantly, I have an academic mind, one of an aspiring scholar.....but as you can see from that last sentence, being a scholar also improves one's chances of being incredibly pretensious as well (It's taken a year and thousands of dollars in hypnosis sessions, but I no longer talk with a false English accent ). And herein lies the lesson of my first dating disaster, which will be revealed shortly...

So I'm sitting on a window seat, and the aisle seat is empty...A decently attractive girl (about 19) asks if she could sit there (when there are other seats clearly available throughout the train)...I say "no way bub!!!!"....j/k........I say "Sure."....so she tries to start conversation about art, or something. But it's really about her college art history class, (sarcasm starts here)which of course is a subject we both can relate to (sarcasm ends here)....sorry...so eventually, she asks, "So what are you reading?"

I respond with, "Oh the Bible, the King James version"....I go on about Jacob and Esau in Genesis for about 2 minutes, she clearly doesn't know how to respond, so she says, "Umm...yeah....who knows what's in that book?..um yeah.."

Now, first off, I was too stupid to realize that she wasn't comfortable with this subject....Nonetheless, I responded to this...however, I was in "hopeless academia mode", and I wasn't trying to drive her away...In fact, I was trying to make her interested.....I responded with a 10-minute lecture on:

(1: how the Bible really isn't so mysterious at all, and that.............
(2: I couldn' wait to read the book of Leviticus, because of its mysterious ritualistic wisdom, and that....

(3:I questioned Jacob's decision at the end of Genesis of giving Judah the birthright, since "it was HE who cast Joseph in the pit of darkness and despair!"...(I actually said that)....and that..

(4: There simply were not enough details recounting Simeon and Levi's vengeance against those who defiled their sister......."I mean seriously, c'mon!" (another actual quote)....and that,

(5: The fact that spiritual significance is attached to precious metals in the description of the holy treasures in the book of Exodus, "astounded me, and made me reconsider, even for a slight moment, whether it is I, the one who avoids precious metals and gems, that is ultimately superficial!"

...after this 10-minute academic tirade, there was about 30 second of dead silence......Afterwards, she responded with, "Wow.....I...um...didn't know...that....Hey! I'm hungry....I'm going to go to where they have the food, see ya!"

I had a bag of chips, and so I offered to her....she responded, "No!! No.....No....that's...umm..perfectly OK- I'm going to get some food, see ya!"

She scurried away from me.

The lesson?

Lesson 1: "Never use semi-obscure Bible topics as your icebreaker subject with a girl."

More in later days...See ya!